Day #154

Hey there!

Today has been very mixed emotionally. Early this morning we recieved a call from the Skoda garage, saying we could pick up my new car later this afternoon. This was all very exciting, but my anxiety of getting behind the wheel was creeping up. When we first saw the car I fell in love, it's so cute but quirky too-with some red upholstery, lower suspension and striped graphics. I really feel like it's mine which is awesome, I just need to give it a name. I drove home on my own which was wonderfully liberating , but the longer I was on the motorway the higher my anxiety levels rose - especially when my parents were driving behind me. Despite being so happy I broke down when I got home, half relieved and he scared about driving again. I know it's still going to be hard at the moment, but I'm going to have to learn to get used to it again. 

Apart from that, nothing else has really happened today. Four of my guy friends from uni, including Will, have all headed off to the airport tonight as they are getting an early flight to Barcelona tomorrow. I'm super jealous as id love to be in the sun right now, but oh well I can save for summer! 

Hope your Monday has been okay!

Becca x

Day #153

Hey there. 

Still ill and in pain, so today I've done nothing. Oh well, trying to do work now, as well as sorting out stuff for my parents 30th wedding anniversary on Monday. How cute. 

My mental issues at the moment are really getting quite bad, to the point that I'm scared. I absolutely hate this. I've been getting overly emotional and angry for little reason, and that's horrid. I know I shouldn't but I can't stop myself. The worst part of at the moment is the my temptation has been to hurt myself. I know it's stupid and won't help so I've been managing to talk myself out of it, but I'm scared that soon I won't be able to stop myself. I really need to sort my life out right now. 

Anyway, I just needed to vent really. I don't feel as if I can actually talk to anyone about this stuff, and sadly the one person I feel most comfortable talking to about this has no reason to listen anymore - well in comparison to before anyway. This is why I need to sort myself out, so I can be happy and not feel reliant on other people hopefully. 

Hope your Monday has been okay!

Becca x

Day #152

Hey there. 

Long day, nothing to report. I've been feeling ill and achey all day, so haven't done anything. Just family time really. 

Good luck for the week ahead. 

Becca x

Day #151

Hey there!

Today Em and I went to the theatre in Canterbury, to see a production of 'The Boy In The Striped Pyjamas'. It was done so well and it was really enjoyable - well as much as a story about Nazi life can be. After wards we spent some time wandering around the city, which was lovely. 

Tonight we are spending time together, watching films and eating curry. It is just my dad, sister and I as my mum is really ill and there is suspicion it is flu. This means I am going to try and get out and away from the illness over the next few days. Super fun times. 

Enjoy your Saturday night!

Becca x

Day #150

Hey there!

150 days now... Wow I never thought I'd last this long. So much has changed in those days, it's so strange. 

Today is my sisters24th birthday, however I am yet to see her. She is driving home from London later tonight, so we can spend the weekend together with our parents too. As I am a top sister, I have made her a fresh Victoria sponge birthday cake - and I hope she appreciates it!

I'm feeling really quite ill right now. However my parents are going to be home soon so I'm going to wait for them before going to bed. My sister still hasn't left London and it would take her 2 hours to get back here, so I'm not sure I'll be able to stay up that long. We shall see. 

Hope you have a good weekend. 

Becca x

Day #149

Hey there!

Bad back bex strikes again! Oh well, getting on with it. I managed to take the dog out for a little walk today, as well as doing some general housework. Feeling productive. Just wish I could put that into uni work now!

Just want a early night tonight, but first I will be watching the televised debate between David Cameron and Ed Miliband, as that should be quite good. I don't know how long I'll watch it for though, as if they do the normal politican thing and ignore the question it'll be very infuriating. 

Hope you're all excited the weekend is nearly here!

Becca x

Day #148

Hey there. 

Crazy times at home today, running the house. Thankfully making dinner the past two days and having left overs has worked well for me, as that has fed me today. I've washed the dog, done washing, had the dishwasher on, and even done some work! All in all I've done a decent amount today. 

The worst thing bout being home alone is the nights. I'm just feeling a bit lonely which isn't nice. It's time like this I'd love to still have a boyfriend to come and cuddle me, so I didn't feel lonely. Oh well, this will have to be the first step towards me tonight. I don't want to associated being alone and loneliness anymore. 

Until the morrow,

Becca x

Day #147

Hey there!

Today started pretty low after how I felt last night, but after finding old photo albums everything changed. I love seeing photos of myself and my cousins as babies, and everyone else in my family so much younger. My first photo is one of my favourite photos out of my album, taken on holiday somewhere hot. I look like I'm rocking out and it's so cute. 

Also I've been in the kitchen quite a bit. I've baked and made dinner too. Dinner tonight was low fat spaghetti carbonara, and it was good. As it is the first time with that recipe I now know how to make it better, just adding some more bacon or even chicken - all good though. Also, I made some banana oatmeal cookies to use an overripe banana. And man they were good, nice and chewy like proper cookies. 

That's all for the night,

Becca x

Day #146

Hey there. 

I've had a surprisingly nice day today, despite being alone. I've baked cakes, made dinner and tidied my room - ten points to productive me. I'm just hoping this will last.

Tonight I've been on a downer though. I don't particularly know why but everything is angering or upsetting me. I just want to curl up and fall asleep. My back is playing up as well at the moment which is upsetting, but there's nothing I can do with that. 

Anyway, good night. 

Becca x

Day #145

Hey there!

I'm been super naughty today and bought clothes, oops! Just a few more summery items to make my wardrobe a bit more suitable for the 'summer', and a slight push to make them look better as I lose weight. Also I ordered some new jeans in a lovely light blue so I can wear them out in summer on those cooler days! 

I am proud of myself though tonight, as I made dinner for myself and my mother. I made fresh cod fish cakes with a small salad, and they were lovely. This is the first time I've made anything like that, and I'm so proud that they turned out well. Obviously still room for improvement, but practise makes perfect!

Hope you've had a good weekend. 

Becca x

Day #144

Hey there!

Oh how I love being back home. I haven't really done anything today, but that is nice. Mother and I went shopping for the weeks meals, and I'm excited to be cooking. 

Other than that, nothing interesting today.  Potentially doing some more work tonight, but I'm just taking it as it comes. 

Au revoir,

Becca x

Day #143

Hey there!

Today was the solar eclipse, and it was amazing. At my nans my mother and I didn't see the complete thing, but even the photos from online were awesome. 

I've started doing my next assignment today, which is crazy as I have 4 weeks to do it. Oh well, just want to get started and get it done so I can relax. 

I'm not going to Amsterdam now but I am still on the look out for a short break away for me. I need time for myself to be happy again. I'm getting there again which is good but I need an extra push. 

Arivederci 

Becca x

Day #142

Hey there!

I'm nearly home! Well kind of... I'm in Newport with my mother, as she is here for work. Tomorrow we will be going to my nans, but I'm super upset as my dad is not coming back with us. He wants to stay and help granddad, which is lovely, but I don't want to be home alone!

Currently in the hotel in Newport, finishing off my assignment and drinking tea. Wild times. That's the height of excitement here, and honestly I doubt it'll be long until sleep time. 

Until tomorrow,

Becca x

Day #141

Hey there. 

Last night was really good, for the most part anyway. I think the wine and the vodka mixed and made me emotional , so I knew it was time to go. 

My bad luck was also carried on by the fact that I went to my contact lens appointment, without contacts. Idiot. Oh well, I've nearly completed my assignment which is good. I need to go through and take out some words, but that's okay I can do that. I also need to pack as I'm leaving tomorrow, but I just can't be bothered.

Anyway, it's Korfball elections tonight and Will is up for social sec. I'm such a top friend I'm still supporting him, as I know he would be amazing at it. 

Have a good night,

Becca x

Day #140

Hey there!

I'm almost done with my assignment... Yay!! And now tonight is my friends 21st celebrations, so I'm super excited. We are currently pre drinking and will be going over for the party soon. Then to town. I'm feeling good so this should be good. 

I'm in a body con dress tonight which is a big deal for me. I shall see how it goes down... Hopefully well!

Have a good St Paddys Day!

Becca x

Day #139

Hey there!

Well I've been super busy today, and have barely been in the flat at all. I had lectures from 2-6 but didn't get back until gone 7, then by 8 I had left the flat again. And now I'm at the library. Super fun times. 

I'm almost finished with my essay now whih is such a relief. I know I'm going to over go the word count which is frustrating, but better than bein under! I want it to be mainly finished by tomorrow night, as it is my friends 21st and I want to relax!

Hope your Monday has been okay,

Becca x

Day #138

Hey there. 

It's been a long day, but I've managed to crack off a lot of my assignment. I still have over 1000 words to do but all my graphs and tables are down. I'm feeling positive about it. Well for now anyway!

I have developed an obsession with 'RuPauls Drag Race', even though it's shit. It's just easy to watch and not worry about things.

Anyway, night time. 

Becca x

Day #137

Hey there. 

My sister bought me these flowers last Saturday, to replace ones that Will had bought me before. They have really been brightening my room it has been lovely. I feel like they are representing me right now. Some of them have yet to bloom, and some have gone over. I know I have potential to blossom, I just need a little bit more sun. I've had a bit of a shit time the past few days, and I think the dying daffodils show that. But I have the potential to grow and be beautiful, just give me the time and space I need. 

I am trying to sort out Amsterdam, as Will has just told me he's not coming with me. I am considering going on my own, but luckily my best friend has just said she might come with me. We shall see!

Until tomorrow,

Becca x

Day #136

Hey there. 

Wild times today, doing work in the library. I've been on a bit of a low all day really, which has been horrible. Trying to do work when your mind is elsewhere is so horrid, and very hard. I worked through it for a while, but then I had to leave and let it out. 

Going to be having a few drinks tonight at the flat, which hopefully should be nice. I don't particularly feel ready for it, but I will push through. I can always leave if it gets too much. 

Have a good Friday night!

Becca x

Day #135

Hey there!

I ended up going out in the end last night, and had a wonderful time overall. It was hard seeing Will for the first time, but we managed to deal with it. Feeling positive. 

I've felt a little fragile today, so haven't done a lot today. A bit of work has been done, as has sleeping. I'm currently over at a friends flat just relaxing which is nice. Just sat around talking and laughing which is so lovely. 

Anyway, I'll be back tomorrow. 

Becca x

Day #134

Hey there. 

I've felt very proactive today, doing a lot of stuff. I've had both counselling and physio today, and I have been feling more positive. I even walked everywhere which was nice, even in the rain. 

I wish I was going out tonight, but Will isn't the most keen on me being there so I doubt I will go. I may pop out but honestly I'm scared. I just wish things were normal. 

Anyway, have a good night. 

Becca x

Day #133

Hey there!

I came back to Aber early this morning, and it's been a day of ups and downs. The sun has been shining so it's been wonderful and made me feel so much better. I also have had sassy music playing all day which has done the same. I have been doing a lot of data work for my project today which isn't the most fun, but at least it is pretty much done now (well that aspect anyway)!

The flat have also decided to have a big party on Friday too which is exciting. I think I need to get drunk honestly. 

Until tomorrow,

Becca x

Day #132

Hey there!

I have had a wonderfully relaxing day at my nans today. There was a nice lay in had, before getting up and on with work. I started my Scottish Referendum Project today and I have felt quite productive for once. Tomorrow I shall be back to uni early, but I think I'm okay with that. It has been lovely to be away but I think staying much longer wouldn't be good, I need to throw myself into the last two weeks of uni.

There was an air of change in the house today. This is because my nan (finally) got new furniture delivered for her front room. They are very lovely and where the leather is new, it is easy to sit up properly with good posture.

I am having a very relaxing time here, as well as productive. I am enjoying it, and feel prepared to finish this project and be ready to be happy again.

That is all,

Becca x

Day #131

Hey there. 

I bought these trainers yesterday, to show the start of the new me. I've kept putting off being serious about changing my appearance and becoming happier, but I've been given the perfect chance to now. I am now going to have more time to dedicate to me, to make sure I'm happy. Honestly I've always put others before me, but now is about me and my happiness. 

I've been quite spontaneous today, as when my sister said she was going to pop to my nans on the way home - I decided to join her. I'll be here for two nights, and getting an early train on Tuesday so I'm back in time for my lecture. This is going to give me time to focus on my work and myself, as well as getting to spend time with my grand parents. 

Okay, that's all for me today. 

Becca (the new and improved version) x

Day #130

Hey there. 

After a long and hard day yesterday, it was made better by my sister coming to see me. Sharing a single bed with her wasn't fun, but good to have her here. 

To take my mind off of things we've had a super fun day. We have been out of the flat for the majority of the day, exploring Aberystwyth. This included going up Constitution Hill and playing hide and seek in the castle. Yes we are both grown up okay. 

Tonight we are going out so that should be good. I'm not particularly feeling it at the moment but I'm sure I'll shake it off. 

Hope you're having a good weekend. 

Becca x

Day #129

Hey there. 

This has been my day. Pyjamas and Netflix. It's been a horrible day. I won't go into it now, but I will in time. 

Mac has just got back, and bought me a Easter egg because he is lovely. Tonight we are just relaxing, and potentially going over to F to spend time with the girls. 

Have a good Friday. 

Becca x

Day #128

Hey there. 

Last night got a little crazy and I was paying for it today. So I haven't done a lot. I did make myself a good meal for dinner though, shown above. A proper good English meal of bangers and mash. 

That's all for today. 

Becca x

Day #127

Hey there!

Tonight is our korfball Geek and Chav social, run by my wonderful boyfriend bs his friend. I'm a little happy right now which is nice, so I'll be off to enjoy it. 

Have a good night!

Becca x

Day #126

Hey there!

Nothing much to report today. I'm experiencing back pain again which isn't fun, but trying to push through it. 

We have had communal and room inspections today, and I was expecting failure. My room is tidy but I have photos and posters on my wall, and I wasn't sure if they would like that. Turns out they didn't mind, and I've passed thank fully. 

When Will met me at the station on Sunday, he greeted me with cuddles and the beautiful flowers pictured. Being a student I haven't got a vase, but I've learnt to improvise - hence why I'm using a pitcher! They really brighten my room though and make me happy. 

Will and I are currently relaxing and have been watching various television programmes. Our current fixation is on Louis Theroux documentaries, because they are so interesting. 

Until the morrow,

Becca x

Day #125

Hey there. 

It's lovely being back at uni, I've just been so tired. Oh well, getting back into it! Tomorrow I'm getting one of my final assignments (hopefully) so I'm just waiting for the stress of that. 

Tonight has been cleaning of the flat, and now I'm with Will, chilling in his kitchen. It's really lovely to relax for a bit. 

Anyway I'm off,

Becca x

Day #124

Hey there!

Today has been one full of mixed emotions. it has been a lovely day with my family and sisters friends, but also sad because not only was I coming back to Aberystwyth, my sister was moving out. 

We had a wonderful roast dinner at lunch time, which was cooked by my lovely mother. There were eight of us in total eating, including three of my sisters friends and her boyfriend. It was really nice to be eating at the table with everyone diving in and being happy. It was a lovely last day for Emily. 

I'm currently on the last leg of my journey back to Wales, which is a three hour journey from Birmingham. It's a long journey but I actually feel excited to get back, not as daunted as last time. I think this weekend has done me good to relax, and I hope it carries on. 

Anyway, auf weidersen,

Becca x